Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Have you ever been accused of something you didn't even realize you were doing? Not something malicious, not something you did on purpose, but something that, the moment it was said out loud, made you stop and think, wait, did I actually do that? That happened to me. An employee went to HR and said I was playing favorites. And here's the part that still sits with me. I wasn't actually trying to play favorites. I genuinely believed I was doing something good for my team. But belief isn't the same as impact. And that gap between what you intend and what the people around you actually experience is one of the most dangerous blind spots in leadership. So today, we're going to get into it. The scenario, the discomfort, the lesson I almost missed, and the shift that changed how I lead for good. Welcome back to the Unscripted Manager. I'm Veronica. Let's get into it. Here's what happened. I had someone on my team who was thriving, hitting goals, taking initiative, growing fast. I saw a model and how this person operated. And honestly, I got excited. I wanted the rest of my team to see it, too. I started pointing to this person's approach as an example, giving them visible opportunities, leaning on them more because they were delivering. From where I stood, that was just good management. Recognize what's working, replicate it. Raise the bar for everyone. From where someone else on my team stood, it looked completely different. It looked like favoritism. It looked like I had a favorite and everyone else was competing for scraps of my attention. And eventually, that perception did not stay quiet. It turned into a formal HR complaint. I remember getting that call, that mix of defensiveness and dread Me favorites. I don't even see it that way. But here's the thing about leadership. It was never going to matter what I meant. What mattered was what landed. And this is where I want to slow down, because this is the lesson underneath the lesson. My intent was to build a model of success and hold it up for the team. In my head, that was leadership. That was smart management. The impact, for at least one person on that team, was feeling invisible, feeling like the game was rigged, feeling like no matter what they did, they weren't going to be the example. Intent and impact can live in two completely different rooms. And most of us, when we're accused of something, we run straight to defending our intent. That's not what I meant. That's not fair. That's not who I am. But intent doesn't heal impact. Only awareness does. And that HR complaint felt uncomfortable as it was forced. An awareness I hadn't gotten to on my own. Here's the realization that actually cracked it open for me. I had been managing the work. I had not been leading the individual. I was so focused on outcomes. Who's performing, who's delivering, who can I point to as the model that I wasn't paying attention to the people who weren't in the spotlight. I wasn't asking what they needed to feel seen, to feel like they mattered, to feel like they had a path too. Managing the work is easy. It's visible, it's measurable, it's productive. Leading the individual is harder, it's slower. It doesn't show up on a dashboard. But it's the difference between a team that performs for you and a team that trusts you. I want to keep this thought as we continue to talk about why focus is the first pillar in fuel. I've mentioned it before, but it bears repeating because most people hear focus and think task oriented. Focus on the goal, focus on the deadline, focus on the numbers. That's not what focus means. In this framework, focus is the intentional act of understanding what drives each individual on your team, not what drives the team, what drives each person. Because a one size fits all approach to motivation will always leave someone feeling unseen. And an unseen employee is a walking HR complaint waiting for a moment to happen.
[00:03:53] Here's the line I want you to sit with, because it's become one of the truest things I've learned in 30 years of leadership. An HR complaint isn't always about a policy violation.
[00:04:04] Sometimes it's a person screaming, I don't feel seen. Say that back to yourself for a second. Because if you've ever been blindsided by a complaint that felt disproportionate to what you thought was happening, this might be exactly what was underneath it. The shift I had to make was this Effective leadership is not reactive investigation. It's not waiting until someone escalates to start paying attention to them. Effective leadership is proactive connection. Seeing your people before they have to demand to be seen. So what did I do differently? I stopped assuming that what motivated my model employee would motivate everyone else. I started asking individually directly, what does success look like to you? What are you working toward? Not just this quarter, but in your career? What makes you feel valued at work and what makes you feel invisible? Some people wanted visibility and recognition. Some people wanted more autonomy and less check ins. Some people didn't care about being the example at all. They cared about stability or flexibility or being trusted with bigger decisions.
[00:05:08] None of that showed up on a performance dashboard. It only showed up when I asked the question. Here's how you apply Focus. This week, we are building on last week of seeing the person. This week, hold a one on one with someone on your team where the entire agenda is understanding them. Not the project, not the deadline, not the status update. Ask about their career goals. Ask what motivates them at work. Ask what makes them feel like their contribution matters. Then close your mouth and listen. Don't solve. Don't redirect it back to a task. Just see them. That's focus in action. Here's the takeaway I want you to leave with today. When managers take the time to truly see their people, not just their output, they build a culture of trust. And in a culture of trust, accusations of favoritism become almost obsolete because everyone already knows that they matter. Nobody's competing to be seen when everyone already is. So here's your call to action. Before the next episode, think of one person on your team you haven't truly focused on lately. Someone whose motivations you're honestly guessing at. Not someone you actually understand. Schedule 15 minutes with them. No agenda except listening. That's it. That's the whole assignment. Can't wait to hear how it goes. I'm Veronica. This has been the unscripted manager. See you next time.
